she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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