I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize