My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
