Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
