my phone needs a breathalizer
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
