nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Sober January is a disaster.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!