Yo dont text me then not text me
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Dating After Heartbreak
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can