On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.