I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
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If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was