I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year