sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies