McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
