i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize