im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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