I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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