feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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