so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Life without a bra equals bliss.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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