When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
