Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
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This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
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What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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