She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
