I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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