well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
