i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
