you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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