we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
