in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
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I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
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People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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