last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
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I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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