Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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