thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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