Apparently you make a good broom.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Randomize