I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
