His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
