I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
