Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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