my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
