Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
