there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
