I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You have to summon your inner elephant
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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