Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
