So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
