Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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