Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
