The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
