ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
