i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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