omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
