Can i not drive my cunt home
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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