the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize