I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
