Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Randomize
