if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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