didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
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No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
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