dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
