is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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