He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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