You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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