About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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