My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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