Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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