you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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