I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
