There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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