just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
